Central Park: Myth Busting

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( Retrieved from: http://www.nycfoodtrucks.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Aerial-view-Central-Park-New-York-United-States.jpg)

A look at spending a day in Central Park, and the worst lie anyone has ever told me

Following 2 full days of walking, one of which was spent looking for the stupid NHL store, we were ready to do something a lot more laid back. So I put my ridiculously sore feet back in my shoes and we headed to Central Park for the day. Honestly, I wasn’t really looking forward to going there initially. I mean, Edmonton has a lot of green space and I figured Central Park wouldn’t be able to contest with the English Gardens (in Munich). BUT, I was promised we would stop by a candy store after…

While Central Park surprised me in some ways, I think it is important to remember that it is mostly man made. So in that sense, I still believe that the English Gardens make for a better stop (with more affordable beer). Regardless, I believe that everyone should make time to stop by for a few hours. Here’s Why:

Even though we spent almost a full day in the park, we never went north of the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir, or “that big water thing in the middle of Manhattan”. We started off with a ride on a pedicab or whatever they are called. Our driver was Gabriel, a cheerful gentleman from France (IF HE REALLY WAS FROM FRANCE). The ride was $70 for one hour, although I am sure we could have found someone for a cheaper price (if we really wanted to). I’ll get to the lie later on…

Gabriel told us that it costs him $200 a week to rent the bike, and anything on top of that is his to take home. Gabriel had some wheels, man. I mean, you would never see the guy losing his breath, so that means he does a good job, right? He did. He would bike for about 5-10 minutes at a time, pointing out when certain things were built. His biggest thing was pointing out all of the movies that have used Central Park as a backdrop. Obviously, there are tons of them.

“Do you know this? This is area where the little mouse ran through in the Stuart Little, yeeeees.”

At the end of the day I fact checked the guy, and he was right for the most part. Other than his incredibly horrific lie, he was awesome. Every stop was made at a good place where we could stretch our legs, even if we had no idea where we were.

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He helped us find Balto, the heroic dog!

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However, the end of the tour disgusts me to this day (not really, but it is funny). Gabriel pulled up the a fountain, and proceeded to tell us that it was a replica of the fountain used in the opening credits of Friends. Like most stupid people, we were like “oh, so cool”, and ended up taking a few pictures at the fountain. It wasn’t just Gabriel, every driver we saw pulled over and took tons of pictures of people with the fountain.

This boils down to one of two possibilities:

1. These guys have no clue that they are wrong, and they are excited to inform people of something related to the TV show.

2. These guys are hilarious (IMO) assholes that like to share a chuckle with the rest of the drivers. Any why not? How boring would it be to pull up to that fountain every day and just say “and here’s a fountain, it has nice bulbs and is made of cement. Want a picture?”

I’m going to go with the second option because there is just NO WAY that they think this is true:

1. Actual fountain from opening credits 

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(Retrieved From: http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc470/PhilipBee2010/vlcsnap-2011-06-09-19h08m56s150.png)

2. Fountain of Lies

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Of course, both of us were skeptical at the time. We took pictures anyways, but checked as soon as we got back. Yep. It really isn’t a bad fountain though. “HEY, I LOVE YOUR BULBS.” Really, we should have known instantly. Considering we watched Friends before bed every night when we were there…

Regardless of that goofy scenario, Gabriel was a great person to escort us through central park. He was very informative (pretty well everything checked out), and he liked to laugh a lot. He also took a bunch of pictures for us. Although, not the greatest considering it was done on my old phone:

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Post Gabriel

Bit of a shit show, to be honest. We didn’t have a map with us, so we mindlessly walked around. We took a brief break by the Bow Bridge, where we saw a few wedding parties run across to quickly snap their wedding photos. I got two hot dogs during that break, and they were flippin’ delicious as hell. I sh!t my pants that night, but it was totally worth it.

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(I think that’s the bridge?)

After the dogs, we walked towards the reservoir and ran into a random obelisk. Who does that? Who said “you know what Central Park needs, a small-mid sized obelisk.” Anyways, after making it that far, we backtracked to places we passed on the bike:

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON “STRAWBERRY FIELDS”. Way to many people were lined up so they could take a picture of themselves laying on the concrete. If you don’t know why they did this, I suggest you find out yourself. Might have had something to do with a band that used to play some music for a few years.

Boat races, anyone?

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Just some buds from elementary school

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We went had to stop by one of the restaurants in the park so someone could use the washroom. I waited outside next to a German family that gave me some questionable looks. They didn’t like Bayern Munich, I guess. The day at Central Park ended within walking distance of Dylan’s Candy Bar, and some nice views:

Heyyyy youuuuu guuuuuyyyyyyyyyys!

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Get in mah belleh!

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Best part of the day, I didn’t burn.

Verdict: I could easily spend multiple days wandering around Central Park, and I plan on it. It is a must for anyone visiting New York, unless you drive a Hummer. That being said, Central Park is more about show than anything else. There were a lot of nice green spots where you aren’t allowed to walk on. In comparison, the English Gardens in Munich are better for recreational purposes. Plus, you can get huge beers and watch people surf in a tiny river there.

I will definitely be renting my own bike next time I go there, and I will make sure to bring some food for myself. That half-day walk was more than enough for my feet.

NEXT ONE: Empire State building…

PS- If you have Netflix, you should watch “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”. As awful as it can be, there is an episode that takes in Central Park, and you hear a driver in the background mentioning “this is the fountain from Friends”. That was the biggest laugh the show has gotten out of me, considering I lived it…

Categories: Funny, New York, United States

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